Shifting Continued

As I read further into the book Shifting, I am learning about the implications of some of the stereotypes about black women. The one that stood out to me the most is that of either being unfeminine and therefore not a sexual being, or of being loose and ready for sex with anyone. These contradict each other so I can't imagine how difficult it must be to walk the line between them. In the book, women who have been viewed as unfeminine have seen it as either frustrating or working to their advantage depending on the situation. Those that don't mind the stereotype feel this way because it has enabled them to escape being treated inappropriately by men of another race. Conversely though, it causes many women to feel like an "it."

The other stereotype causes many women to experience sexual abuse or assault because white men especially think that it's ok to treat a black woman that way because "she wants it." Some of the stories in the book are shocking. I can hardly believe that a man would think it was ok to say some of those things to a woman. I especially found it interesting that many black girls are taught to stay away from white men because of this stereotype, causing some women to fear them all together. I hate to hear that this is the case because, as one woman pointed out, not all men ought to be feared, but experience has caused many women to avoid them.

This makes me wonder what it would be like to have been raised this way, or to have experienced a white man treat you this way, and then to come to a predominantly white institution in the South, knowing that you will be surrounded by white men on a regular basis. Knowing that you will have to work with them or collaborate with them for class projects. I think it takes courage, but it can also lead to a very difficult college experience. I think it would lead to feelings of insecurity or lack of safety. It would be hard to walk around campus and feel safe, or to trust that the people around you are good people. I always felt safe on campus during the day (not at night so much), but I'm going to guess that some of our black females do not because of this stereotype.

Understanding

I've been thinking about what it would be like to be an African American woman on Baylor's campus. I think it would be hard regardless of where you are because of the different stereotypes and expectations placed on you in every situation, but I think being at Baylor could have some positives and negatives. Obviously the racial climate on campus would be difficult. Despite the fact that our student population is 35% minority, there is a dominant white culture that is indifferent, or even sometimes hostile, towards minority students in general. This would be hard to navigate regardless of what racial group you were from, but especially if you don't come from a background where you are used to being around mostly white people.

I think a good thing that's happening at Baylor however is the new My Sister Myself initiative. This is a group that meets twice a month and it is specifically for black women to come together and have community and discuss the different issues they face. Knowing what I know now, I see the value this group provides. It would be important to be able to be in community with others without fear of offending or upholding/dismantling stereotypes. I did not understand the actual need for community until doing this project, but now I'm understanding some of our student organizations and different initiatives in a new way, and it makes me appreciate them even more.

I wish there was a way for the student body to learn more about what it's like to be a black woman, or even just a minority in general, but it seems that a lot of our students are disinterested. Working in Multicultural Affairs, we struggle to get white students to come to any of our events at all, simply because we have the word Multicultural in the name. My hope is that we can somehow start to combat that. I don't want white students on campus to feel like they don't belong at our events because we aren't for them. That's not true. I want to see and education across all cultures of what it means to be different from who are you. I think this understanding is important especially when it comes to the experience of being an African American female because they have to deal with both the caveat of being a woman, and that of being African American, making their experience unique.

Observation #6: Good Deeds

Kelley recommended that I watch one of a list of movies that portray African American women. The movies all have predominantly black casts, indicating that they were a more accurate portrayal of the African American woman's experience. I decided to watch Tyler Perry's Good Deeds. The two main women in the movie are from very different backgrounds. One exhibits the traits I have read and talked about in previous blogs: the need to shift into different personalities depending on where she is and who she is with. She also feels the need to show a strong face regardless of what's going on. She wants to be viewed by the stereotype that I've seen described in Shifting because if she isn't then she feels like she can't handle any of the hard situations that arise. The other main female character is in a relationship that she is expected to be in and is living a comfortable life, but she is unhappy. She doesn't really have anyone she can go to to talk about it though.

From what I can tell, this movie is breaking down stereotypes. These women are trying to exhibit a hard exterior, and at the beginning of the movie you think they might actually be like that, but as the movie progresses, it shows that regardless of the fact that their lives are vastly different, they each have real emotions and feelings that need supporting, just like any other woman.

I think that is one of the main disconnects that I've noticed. People assume that black women don't have to deal with or don't experience the same problems that all women experience. Why wouldn't they? And why wouldn't they have struggles? And why wouldn't they need help? I think if people would recognize that black women have struggles just like any other woman, then some of the stereotypes wouldn't stand up. What's more, it would help for people to realize that they also have different struggles. These are the struggles I've been talking about throughout this blog. It ultimately comes down to the fact that black women are not treated or believed to be human in the way that the rest of us are. That's a crazy realization, but that's what I'm starting to understand.

Observation #5: Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America

In order to better understand what it means to live as a black woman, having to disprove stereotypes and act differently around different groups of people, I started reading Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America, based on the African American Women's Voices Project. So far, this book has been extremely enlightening. It looks at the cases and perspectives of black women from all walks of life and examines some of their common experiences, as well as specifically lays out the different stereotypes and how they work to overcome them.

Ramona introduced me to this book and I regret not starting it earlier in the process of my project. It is based on a project that worked to make the voices of black women heard, which is another way of looking at my project, just on a much larger scale. The title, Shifting refers to the fact that many African American women feel the need to shift into different personalities or personas depending on the people around them or the situation they are in. Kelley talked to me about this when I met with her, and then I observed this when I went to church with her. Depending on the surroundings, African American women can only be a certain percentage of who they really are out of fear of offending or being perceived wrongly.

One new aspect that I had not encountered up to this point is the stereotype that African American women can handle anything that comes their way with strength and perseverance. This sounds like a compliment to me, but when I read more about it, it is a burden and can cause people to treat African American women more harshly because "they can take it." It would be hard to have people assuming that you can handle any situation without help. One woman explained that when a situation arose for her that she needed support on, she had no one to turn to. Even her closest friends did not understand why this was so hard for her to handle and would walk away when she showed emotion. This would be incredibly painful. It makes me wonder how African American women on a predominantly white campus are treated because of this assumption. Are they disregarded? Are their concerns ignored? Are they ignored? Do some of their white friends make ignorant comments around them because they think they can handle it? Are they expected to handle it, even if people know the situation is hurtful? I wonder if they feel they cannot express frustration or feelings of being alone in a predominantly white environment because they fear that no one will take them seriously or listen to their concerns.

Observation #4: Reading Magazines

For my fourth observation, I decided to read some of the magazines that Ramona lent to me that are meant specifically for black women. Being an avid magazine reader myself, (I have 5 different magazine subscriptions!) I was interested to see the differences between a black woman's fashion magazine and the ones that I regularly read.

First, I noticed that there were more social activism pieces in the African American magazine that what I am used to reading. While my fashion magazines will highlight some successful women or focus on one social issue per issue, these magazines had several different stories, most about children and education, that dealt with different issues, such as foster care, gun violence, and handling discrimination. There were also historical pieces that dealt with the civil rights movement.

Second, the approach to beauty products was different in the African American magazines than in the magazines that I read. While both magazines offer information on the best products and what's hot that month as far as trends go, the tone of the black women's magazine was one of "look what we found" rather than "look what's new". What I mean by this is that there is clearly a scarcity of products available to black women in the first place, so the approach in the magazines for black women was more about making their readers aware of what was out there, rather than simply providing more options or showing readers the best new products.

Finally, I was surprised at the openness in the magazines for African American women when it came to dealing to societal stereotypes. While a few of my magazines will randomly address issues like the inaccurate portrayal of women in the media, the magazines for African American women dealt with what it meant to combat stereotypes on a regular basis through many different means. There were articles in the finance and job section about handling stereotypes in interviews. There were articles in the beauty section of hair stereotypes and how to approach salons about what you want. One of the magazines even addressed the constant battle with stereotypes in the Letter from the Editor, citing it as the common struggle among all black females.

Reading these magazines awakened me to the fact that the struggles I've been learning about through this process are not only being talked about in the academic world, but they are being addressed by the African American female community as a whole. I was glad to see that there are conversations happening about what it means to be a black female, but I am saddened to know that this is not something many people know about outside of that community. Just like many of my other experiences with this project, it helps me understand the deep need for community with others, especially when one is having to rally their efforts on a daily basis to cope with misperception and ignorance.

Information Seeking Experience - Interview with Kelley

Today I sat down with my supervisor, Kelley, to talk about her experience as an African American woman, both before she became a professional, and her experiences now on a predominantly white college campus. First, we talked about her childhood experiences because Kelley is a firm believer in the fact that where a person is from largely determines how they handle different experiences. We then talked about different struggles and issues she has encountered while on predominantly white college campuses, as well as issues some of her black female friends have faced in the corporate world. She then shared some stories with me that some of her students had recently experienced. Finally, she talked about the importance of appearance for African American females.

One of my major take-aways from our conversation was the fact that she first encountered racism in the third grade, and then had to deal with it both from whites and blacks throughout her childhood. Because she attended predominantly white schools as a child, she encountered white students who judged her based on her skin color, but because the majority of her extended family lived in a predominantly black neighborhood, she was called an Oreo or told that she "talked white" several times growing up. Kelley said that 5th or 6th grade, you learn that you need to be yourself regardless of what other people think of you. This was extremely interesting to me because that seems extremely young to come to that realization. I know I was at least in high school, if not college, before I realized the importance of owning who I was.

I was also interested by the different messages Kelley received as a child about success. She was told that no matter what, she was going to have to work harder than her white friends to succeed and that, because she did not have the same privileges as whites, she could not act the same as them (aka, be as relaxed or do whatever she wanted). Several times during the conversation, Kelley mentioned the fact that she can only be 75% of herself at work because she has to be careful not to offend people, while also working to protect herself from the different stereotypes people have about African American females. This is a description of what I saw when I went to church with her. I could tell that she was more relaxed, but I could also tell that the students I saw at church were also more relaxed. This constant vigilance must be exhausting. To me, it makes more sense for African American women to want to congregate with one another every once in a while in order to be able to be in community with others without having to have their guard up.

Related to this, Kelley also talked about how she learned early on that you have to swallow your pride in many circumstances, especially in the workplace and classroom setting, and be careful about your tone and how you say things when racist comments are made, overtly or covertly. Because of this, Kelley chooses her battles, and she often only chooses to fight those that are overt and a big deal. Many times, she just lets it go. From a black woman's perspective then, I wonder what it is like to have white friends who think you are good enough friends that its ok to make race-related jokes around you, when really it is upsetting to you.

Kelley also mentioned that people are often scared of African American men and women for different reasons. When it comes to women, it is the fear of the angry black woman, the stereotype that if you say or do anything wrong, they will come at you with ferocity. Kelley said fighting this stereotype is a constant battle for many African American females. This can explain the subdued personality of some of the students I have encountered. It may be easier to show no emotion than to risk showing the wrong one. 

Participation Experience: Carver Park Baptist Church

This morning I attended church with my current supervisor, Kelley, at Carver Park Baptist Church here in Waco. Carver Park is a "black" church, meaning that the vast majority of the members are African American. Soon after arriving I noticed the disproportionate number of females to males in attendance. Their choir was over 75% female, they had several women leading worship in the front, and most of the active participants in the service, meaning ordinary members who were vocal or physically moved by different parts of the service, were female. I thought this was an interesting reflection of what I have been reading about the limited number of "available" or "datable" men in the African American community. I wonder if the noticeable leadership within the church by the female community somewhat perpetuates the negative stereotype of being independent and assertive that I mentioned yesterday.

The message during the service today was about finding focus on God during the frustrating times in life. The lesson focused on Psalm 73, which can be found here: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+73&version=KJV, in the version that it was read during church. The sermon began with an emphasis on how frustrating life can be. I was immediately reminded of parts of the book I read yesterday that talked about the need to be able to realize that struggles are an everyday part of the life, and that it is imperative to learn how to continue to persevere and move forward despite these setbacks. This sermon was on point with this theme. The pastor mentioned several African-American-specific examples of how life can be frustrating for both men and women. When he was talking about females, he mentioned the fact that many women who work to do good and be the best version of themselves that they can be, are still patronized and treated like little sisters instead of being seen as the strong women that they are. I imagine this feeling of invisibility is common among black female college students. On our way home, Justin and I talked about the theme of the sermon and how we have never seen it manifest in that way in a church service before, let alone necessarily be a theme in the first place. The idea of having to push through frustrations and unfairness in life is prevalent in the life of African Americans even today, and is largely unknown in that form to white Americans.

A final observation I had was when I ran into a couple of students that I have had interactions with during my apprenticeship. One of the girls I ran into gave me a hug and was genuinely happy to see me at her church. I thought this was extremely interesting because up to this point, I have always seen her as being extremely reserved and almost bitter, like she's always had her guard up when I've interacted with her on campus. Seeing her in a setting where she felt at home and part of the majority, she was relaxed and much more open to being expressive and happy. I was glad to see her feeling comfortable, but I was also saddened to realize that she obviously does not feel that way at school. I am interested to see if her interactions with me change after having seen her at church, or if they will revert back to her normal interactions while we are in a predominantly white environment. Either way, she has an obvious need to protect herself when she is at Baylor, and that is disconcerting.

From this experience I have learned the importance of church-going and spirituality in the black community. There is a clear reliance on God and the church body to help each member in times of trouble. I wonder how African American students feel at Baylor, a faith-based institution. Do they see this as a less-welcoming Christian community, or do they even experience it as a community in that sense at all? I also learned that sometimes African American women feel the need to harden themselves against white society in order to persevere and be prepared for hardships. I wonder how many of the students I work with feel the need to keep their guard up at Baylor, and I don't realize that they are not fully being themselves around me. Mainly however, I learned that there is a lot about this subculture that I do not understand or cannot see.

Observation #3: Black Families in Therapy

Today I read parts of Black Families in Therapy: Understanding the African American Experience, specifically parts of Chapter 2, "Racism, Racial Identity, and Skin Color Issues," and Chapter 5, "African American Men and Women: Socialization and Relationships" (Boyd-Franklin, 2003). One of the most notable parts that I read were the experiences of black children feeling left out and ignored, or even discriminated against, at school. I know the experience of school-age children is not necessarily the voice that I am supposed to learn about, but this experience can really feed into the experience of African Americans once they get to college. Depending on how these situations were handled in childhood can determine how future incidents, that I know occur on college campuses, are handled. Regardless of this however, it is important to know that this is a common experience among African Americans in general, and that racism is something they have to deal with on a daily basis in one way or another.

I also read a section about African American women and their hair. I had heard a little bit about the struggle between wanting "white women hair" and going natural just from conversations I had been a part of at work, but I did not realize how important the issue is overall. For many African American women, the attention given to their hair when they were young helps determine whether they felt cared for or neglected by their mother. Additionally, there are serious self-esteem issues related to a black woman's hair. Knowing this helps me better understand some of the conversations I've overheard between students or students and staff members at my current apprenticeship. To me, hair is not that big of an issue, but now I know the deeper implications behind some of those conversations. I think knowing this will help me be more sensitive in the future, as well as help me realize the deeper implications of commenting on or complimenting an African American woman's hair in the future.

Finally, I read a section that touched on the stereotypes faced by African American women that draw their legacy from slavery and are now perpetuated in the media and throughout society. One stereotype, that of the "mammy" figure, I had heard about. The other stereotype however, that of the independent, assertive, almost domineering woman, I did not realize was there. Reading about it, I could immediately think of examples in the media, but I never made the connection that this was a result of negative stereotype about African American women. This stereotype involves the belief that African American women are not feminine and therefore not capable of romantic relationships. Now that I know this is a stereotype, I will watch for it on campus and in the media as I continue with this project. I am particularly drawn to this stereotype because it seems like it is probably more often having to be combated by educated black women who have decided to pursue a career and possibly a more independent lifestyle. This means that many of the students I work with will or possibly have already encountered this stereotype.

One of the things I find interesting about this second stereotype is the idea that, for white women, to an extent, being independent and career-minded is a positive thing. Obviously there are extreme stereotypes about feminist women who are not interested in relationships with men, but for the most part, being assertive and independent is encouraged. I think it is extremely unfortunate, and somewhat of a double-standard, that this stereotype is frowned upon when it is applied to African American women. It must be frustrating to see similar behavior being treated differently because the other person is of a different race.

Boyd-Franklin, N. (2003). Black families in therapy: Understanding the African-American experience. New York, New York: Guilford Publications, Inc.

Observation #2: Black in America

Before I talk about Black in America, I want to mention some other developments with this project. I talked to my supervisor Kelley and she gave me a list of books and movies from pop culture that I can use to see the media portrayal of African American women. I will also be attending church with her on Sunday at Carver Park Baptist Church, so I'm excited to get some actual experience within the African American culture. I will also be sitting down with Kelley next Wednesday to talk to her about her experience and experiences that she has observed in the African American, female community as a student affairs professional.

Now, back to Black in America. Yesterday, Ramona gave me a large bag of books, magazines, and movies for me to use for my project. Last night, I watched the Women and Families episode of Black in America. I was surprised to learn some of the statistics about African American women, like the disproportionate number of females that attend college versus males, or that there is an AIDS epidemic within the female community.

One of the most interesting things I learned however, was about the pressures of dating and maintaining a social life once an African American female makes the decision to go to college and have a successful career. Several of them feel like the number of black men that they can date is vastly diminished because of their education, and some of them feel like they have to relax their expectations and be open to other races if they want to end up in a marriage. I'm interested to learn more about these pressures and how they affect women in college. For example, I'd like to know if they have this realization while they are in college or if it only occurs later after they have entered the real world.

Plans to Meet with Ramona

I talked to my old supervisor, Ramona, last night on the phone about my project. She was extremely excited about the fact that I would be studying African American women! She is bringing me the latest copies of her three favorite magazines, as well as some helpful books, to read for my project. I'm looking forward to meeting with her and learning about her perspective through her recommended reading materials.

Observation Experience #1: Reading about African American Spiritual Development

For my first observation experience, I read an article entitled, "Impact of College Environments on the Spiritual Development of African American Students," by Weddle-West, Hagan, and Norwood (2013). I chose this article because I have been under the impression from previous experience that spirituality plays a major role in the lives of many African Americans and I hoped that this article would shed some light on that part of the culture. While I found it interesting that African American women had higher levels of spirituality in general, I was disappointed that the article focused mainly on the implications for males. I was unable to learn much about the female experience, other than the fact that they tend to have a high level of spirituality and that, for the African American community in general, spirituality has served as a way to cope with stressors in life, such as the stress that comes with being a minority at college and in society in general.

I have found several other articles that I would like to read, so hopefully those offer more information on what it is like to be an African American female.

My Choice: The African American Woman

I've decided to complete my Voices Project from the perspective of an African American woman. I chose this for several reasons. First, my position in the Department of Multicultural Affairs involves close interaction with students and staff from a variety of racial and ethnic backgrounds. I think it would be excellent practice for me to truly consider what it is like to be a minority student on a predominantly white campus since I work so closely with these students on a regular basis.

Second, my current supervisor and one of my previous supervisors have both been African American women. From working with these two women I have learned a lot about what it means to be a member of an NPHC sorority after one's undergraduate career, and have noticed a pattern of deep involvement in the community. My current supervisor is a member of the graduate chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., volunteers with the Girl Scouts, and is an active member in her church. Her supervisor is a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc., is an active participant in the choir at her church, and is the founder and operator of Portraits, an after school program for pre-school through high school aged children. My previous supervisor served as President of the graduate chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., was a supporter of Jack and Jill, a debutante society of African American children, is a member of the Community Race Relations Coalition, is a leader in her church, and speaks at numerous Diversity Training workshops throughout the year. I want to explore why all three of these women are so active in the community and if that drive comes from their undergraduate experience.

Finally, through the course of my life, I have been most intimidated by African American women (which is ironic to me considering my work history, which has not ever been uncomfortable for me). I hope this process helps me discover why that is and help me do what I can to eliminate that feeling.