Today I sat down with my supervisor, Kelley, to talk about her experience as an African American woman, both before she became a professional, and her experiences now on a predominantly white college campus. First, we talked about her childhood experiences because Kelley is a firm believer in the fact that where a person is from largely determines how they handle different experiences. We then talked about different struggles and issues she has encountered while on predominantly white college campuses, as well as issues some of her black female friends have faced in the corporate world. She then shared some stories with me that some of her students had recently experienced. Finally, she talked about the importance of appearance for African American females.
One of my major take-aways from our conversation was the fact that she first encountered racism in the third grade, and then had to deal with it both from whites and blacks throughout her childhood. Because she attended predominantly white schools as a child, she encountered white students who judged her based on her skin color, but because the majority of her extended family lived in a predominantly black neighborhood, she was called an Oreo or told that she "talked white" several times growing up. Kelley said that 5th or 6th grade, you learn that you need to be yourself regardless of what other people think of you. This was extremely interesting to me because that seems extremely young to come to that realization. I know I was at least in high school, if not college, before I realized the importance of owning who I was.
I was also interested by the different messages Kelley received as a child about success. She was told that no matter what, she was going to have to work harder than her white friends to succeed and that, because she did not have the same privileges as whites, she could not act the same as them (aka, be as relaxed or do whatever she wanted). Several times during the conversation, Kelley mentioned the fact that she can only be 75% of herself at work because she has to be careful not to offend people, while also working to protect herself from the different stereotypes people have about African American females. This is a description of what I saw when I went to church with her. I could tell that she was more relaxed, but I could also tell that the students I saw at church were also more relaxed. This constant vigilance must be exhausting. To me, it makes more sense for African American women to want to congregate with one another every once in a while in order to be able to be in community with others without having to have their guard up.
Related to this, Kelley also talked about how she learned early on that you have to swallow your pride in many circumstances, especially in the workplace and classroom setting, and be careful about your tone and how you say things when racist comments are made, overtly or covertly. Because of this, Kelley chooses her battles, and she often only chooses to fight those that are overt and a big deal. Many times, she just lets it go. From a black woman's perspective then, I wonder what it is like to have white friends who think you are good enough friends that its ok to make race-related jokes around you, when really it is upsetting to you.
Kelley also mentioned that people are often scared of African American men and women for different reasons. When it comes to women, it is the fear of the angry black woman, the stereotype that if you say or do anything wrong, they will come at you with ferocity. Kelley said fighting this stereotype is a constant battle for many African American females. This can explain the subdued personality of some of the students I have encountered. It may be easier to show no emotion than to risk showing the wrong one.
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